BARS Warning ...
The World Health Organisation
(WHO) has just issued an urgent warning about
A newly identified problem has spread rapidly throughout
the world. The disease, identified as BARS (Beer & Alcohol Requirement
Syndrome) affects people of many different ages. Believed to have originated
in Ireland in 1500 BC, the disease is noted to particularly affect people
who congregate in Pubs and Taverns or who just congregate. How the disease
is transmitted is still being disputed, but clear estimates of three
billion people world-wide have been affected, and perhaps most disturbingly
Early symptoms of the disease include an uncontrollable urge at 5:00pm to consume a beer or alcoholic beverage. An odd symtom of this condition is that this urge appears to be most keenly felt on Fridays. More advanced symptoms of the disease include talking loudly, singing off-key, aggression, heightened sexual attraction/confidence (even towards fuglies), uncalled for laughter, uncontrollable dancing and unprovoked arguing. An additional manifestation of this condition is an uncontrolled urge, often at late and inappropriate hours of the morning, to make rambling and totally non-coherant phone calls, particularly to ex-boyfriends, girlfriends or spouses.
In the final stages of the disease, victims are often cross-eyed, and speak incoherently. Vomiting, loss of memory, loss of balance, loss of clothing and loss of virginity can also occur. Sometimes death ensues, usually accompanied by the victim shouting, "Hey Fred, bet you can't do this!" or "Wanna see how fast it goes??"
If you develop any of these symptoms, it is important
that you quarantine yourself in a pub with other fellow victims until
last call or all the
Side effects for survivors include bruising, broken limbs, lost property, killer headaches and divorce. On the up side, there is not, and probably never will be, a permanent cure .
Have you been immunised ?